Ecohumanist Lab

I sit quietly. I sigh. Then I listen and observe my breathing. In-breath, out-breath, in breath, out-breath. It is almost automatic, but it is so easy to make it intentional.  Then , when I breathe in, I can feel cool air entering my nostrils. I imagine molecules of oxygen spreading furiously through my whole body, like advancing troops searching for the King in the deserted Castle. Where is he? They are finding Me everywhere. My chest is expanding, there is more and more Me. Forward! This is manly, heroic time. This is Yang. Here I am. My intent meeting my awareness. And it happens everywhere, in every cell of my body. There are No worries, no past, no future, just Me. Here and now, but it is really beyond an eastern guru’s cliche’. I am closer then here, closer than my brain or heart, beyond the dimension of space, everywhere, beyond the borders. Time? I am breathing in, this is more than now. Now is, but i am becoming! What a moment of Truth….
Almost. Deeply down, I always knew, this is not a whole truth… So I breathe in harder, desperate. The diamonds change  into ashes. The expansion into abyss. Where am I really? Nowhere?
And then You come.
I breathe out. An Escape, I am safe again. Did I lose, or is it just “letting go”?
The Mystery of Me was solved just as I was giving it up. The body relaxes in the luxurious exhalation. This is the Yin phase, accepting and female. This is the time of harvest. I will think of what made me, of the ancestors and of causes. Yes,yes the solution of the puzzle is You. You have millions of faces. There is you philosophical, where the subjectivists see the nature of the Universe as a relationship between people, the religious You, of course, you of the compassion and the you of the jealousy…
And there is the simplest You: my Mother and my Father, literally my origin and my cause, also their Mothers and Fathers, endless generations..  My teachers and my teachers’ teachers, my creators and the creators’ creators, literally and metaphorically , I am through them, by them , I see through their eyes their world.
Everything which is not Me is You, my body, the memories, the brain is made of you.
I breathe out and feel my body, the whole body. My senses talk to me about my maybe sore muscle,  they feel through my skin, I hear sounds, I think thoughts.  You, different you’s  are responsible for the nature of these experiences. As the causes, as goals, as people I love and as people I am grateful for everything I have. And as Me had no borders,no history, now You can also be raw and huge. You are in my skin and my brain and farther and farther…wherever I look – only You, you, you.
I am gone, lost.  So I am wallowing in the nothingness and ask “what is this for” and “why’. Nihilism. I am breathing out and out and into despair.
And in the last moment- like the Big Bang- Inhalation! I am found, again.